bereavement doula
Not all hopes and dreams end in joy. If you are reading this page, you either know that pain personally, or are willing to at least peek into the unthinkable area of loss.
If you have lost (or are facing losing) a child through miscarriage, prenatal death, stillbirth, illness, or injury... I see your pain, your grief, the fear that your suffering will never end. And I acknowledge the great strength it requires to survive the loss of your child, the loss of your innocence, the loss of your hopes and dreams.
If you haven’t experienced such loss personally, but are here reading anyway, I applaud your courage. No one wants to think about a baby dying, some even like to pretend it doesn’t happen in the United States, and yet we know it does happen. So choosing to learn about something so painful to imagine, and perhaps preparing a bit for grief in any of the ways that it could come to you, is a brave thing to do.
Whether a loss is expected, planned, likely, or a sudden shock, there are ways you can prepare. People who experience any kind of death are asked to go above and beyond their normal realms of coping, to dig deeper than they ever imagined possible.
Having an idea for how to cope in advance is a gift I offer. You might find help from family, friends, clergy, community, clinicians. Or those options might be lacking. You might not know to whom you can bare yourself, or know you want an objective, experienced person to turn to.
If you are in need of support, I can help.
I can help you prepare for an expected loss with a birth plan that addresses the unique needs of a pre- or perinatal death. I can help you through the physical changes of postpartum. I can help with the spectrum of emotions that seem ready to drown you. I can help you tell insensitive people to fuck off or, better yet, coach your community with helpful things to say and do, so you can be spared from their ignorance. I can help you know what to anticipate, prepare a plan to alleviate what you can, and help keep you standing with all the rest.
As all needs are different, I offer bereavement doula services on a sliding scale basis.
bereavement doula services include:
pregnancy.
These visits are held wherever you feel most comfortable. These visits can be used to discuss what to expect, your plan for care and support, what you think will be helpful to you, your partner’s or other’s concerns and needs.
We can write a birth or postpartum care plan, process grief, talk about the hopes you had for your baby, outline funeral or memorial service desires, and share resources.
labor and birth.
I join you at your place of birth when you feel like you need my support. I do all the things I do as a doula at any birth: offer suggestions, hands-on comfort, and helpful tools from my birth bag; I support you in various positions, or do them with you; I help you with encouragement or rest, information and advocacy. I’m right by your side (physically or energetically). I stay with you for as long as it takes, and help your partner or other support people pace themselves.
postpartum.
I visit you at home after your birth. These visit(s) are anything you need them to be: a chance to talk about your birth, to cry, to process what you are going through, or simply help with housekeeping and eating something.
You don’t have to get dressed, or out of bed, or fake a smile for me. And I’ll help you navigate the postpartum changes your body is going through, recommend resources that might be helpful to where you are in your journey, offer a kind ear, a foot rub, and a hug. And I’m always willing to help the people around you know what you need if you can’t figure out how to say it.